Strap in (or on); today is National Coming Out Day, so we’re getting personal!

I wrote a bit on social media last year after being inspired by reading others’ stories, and I’d like to share an updated version here now. I’m only going to touch on a few things in this post, as I plan to write about certain topics more in-depth at a later date. Please know that whether or not you feel safe asserting your truth publicly, I understand and respect your choice. You have my full support and solidarity.

From my neurology to sexual orientation, gender identity, and relationship style, so much of who I am can be wrapped up in one word – queer. In an effort to keep this post from getting too long, I’ll only be discussing my sexual orientation and gender identity today.

I remember learning the word “pansexual” when I was a young teen and it resonating immediately – the inherent fluidity and openness felt like a much better fit for me than “bisexual,” which at the time in the early-mid 2000s was generally used in a definitively binary way. At that age when people would ask me why I didn’t identify as bisexual, I would describe how I liked boys, girls, and everyone in-between with no preference in any direction. My understanding of gender has shifted and expanded over the years since then, and I now recognize it as a construct that isn’t linear at all; I like people for who they are, without any preference for how one performs or expresses their gender, or what type of body they inhabit. I still personally prefer identifying as pansexual over bisexual, though I see both terms being used somewhat interchangeably these days.

My gender is something I’ve been actively unpacking over the past several years, and the best way I can describe it with the language currently available is genderqueer, or non-binary. The moment I first recognized that I exist outside of the binary felt like finally untangling a mess of chains inside of me that had been in knots my whole life. It was a feeling I didn’t even know was attainable until I actually felt it. I had simply accepted the gender I was assigned at birth without question, even though it never felt like it fit quite right. I use both They/Them and She/Her pronouns interchangeably as Luna; this still feels fine for people who don’t know me personally. If you do know me personally (or want to know me personally) please opt for They/Them. This demonstrates you care about me on some level and want me to feel seen.

I choose to live my life unapologetically and with as much radical honesty as possible, which is something I can afford thanks to both inherent privileges as a white person and a shitload of internal work. I learned a long time ago not to internalize others’ perceptions of me, as it almost always has no actual bearing on the realities of my own life or identity. This leaves me without any feeling of obligation to explain or defend myself and my choices, which I find healthy and liberating (10/10 recommend). However, I’m often confronted by the fact that other people’s perceptions of me simply do not align with who I actually am, and are usually wrapped up in all kinds of baseless assumptions.

After learning a little more about me today, I hope you’ll gain some perspective, clarity, and a better understanding of others and yourself moving forward ♡